Only the beginning

i have reached my almost mid twenty crisis. What am i doing with my life? The question fades away but inevitably comes back each time more accusingly than the last. So why is it that i cant seem to find that "happy place" everyone refers to.."i wanna be happy" my soul screams from within. But i will be happy soon..i said that 6 months ago, and year before that. So ultimately the question is what is keeping me from being happy, and let me remind you that there is a difference between what actually makes you happy and what you think makes you happy.

I love to cook. most of the time it defines me. What most people dont know about cooks and chefs, is that 70-80% of their life is spent at work or thinking about work, if it's your day off, you better just assume you will be called into work. You woke up with the flu, you still work a six hour shift. You have to be on your game at all times, you walk in ready to work, coat on, knives sharp. your lunch "break" is taking a bite of a misfired pizza, or sharing a bite of sandwich made six hours ago. And get used to the FOH blaming all misfired tickets on your incompetence.

I buy high heels but my feet hurt too bad after a 12 hour shift to actually put them on. I own more checkered pants than i do jeans. Im not worried about hose with no runs, or a clean ironed blouse or fixing my hair, i tell my hair dresser "as long as it fits in a pony tail". 

Dinner usually consists of a bowl of cereal, or a frozen lean cuisine. 

And always assume everyone is sleeping together, because they probably are. 

So ive decided to start this blog as a way to prove to myself that i do love to cook and it can still be fun. And as a way to keep track of favorite recipes and ideas because with most good ideas of mine they get lost in the clutter of my mind.